You know after my little pity party with my last post, I felt better. I had to remind myself that I had some pretty good races last season. I had a PR for a 5k, and this came the day after I had PR'd my 5k in a triathlon the day before. I smoked that triathlon for me, and was really happy. So there were little victories along the way. Not all dismal and terrible like I would have you believe.
There's the thing, for the Yin of my season there was the definite Yang. I guess I figured the mojo would keep up even when my training wasn't there. Of course, that didn't happen. Did I want to be extremely critical of my last season or did I want to stomp my foot and complain, did I fail myself, or did the Race Gods just have it in for me??? Ah, one of life's lovely little conundrums to ponder. Yes I had a lousy Half Marathon for the Patrick Henry. I might have been able to make myself run through the toenail coming off and how freaking much that hurt, but why? At that point I was still running my marathon. Why risk injuring myself even worse when that was supposed to just be a training run. I kept it in perspective that day. I guess it's when my season so unceremoniously unravelled the way it did is when in my mind the "whole season sucked".
I needed to take care of my blood pressure. That medicine I started taking has been doing wonders for me truly. My blood pressure is in a low normal range. Even if I skip a day by accident, my blood pressure is still good. My training has been getting better. I still sweat more then I am accustomed to, but if I hydrate more during my training session it helps.
The next thing I need to consider is what I am going to do the 2010 season. Do I throw all caution to the wind, train like I am a pro, and see what happens? What happens if my body fails me? I think that is why I have always held back. Always used that as my crutch when I train, when it got hard, and hurt, I would ease up. Ever afraid of falling, not feeling my legs etc. But really, in my heart I know even if that happened it is just temporary. I have to admit when I have the visual problems after a hard workout, and I cannot get them to go away as quickly as I'd like, I freak a little. It is scary going from clear vision, to Holy Cow, I can't see anything clearly, it's like looking at an overly staticky TV or something. That's scary, but that too goes away as my body readjusts. I want to say I am going to crush 2010, I want to say I am going to blow the doors off of my 3 previous seasons, I want to say I will be on the podium once this year, just once, once in my life, but I am scared. Scared of my body failing to listen as I work hard to achieve that.
And there it is, I am afraid to go for a season like that because I am afraid I can't do it. It's one thing to say you can't do it, and another to really not be able to. I haven't put myself in that situation yet, and I am afraid to try I think.
So I have time. Time to decide. I know my husband and I are signing up for a master swim program that meets 3 times a week. I will improve my technique exponentially, improve my endurance and speed, and that's a good thing. I am signed up for my first race of the tri season and it's an Oly. Not starting with a sprint, but an Oly. So my training will be hard to start right away, but that's okay too. I want to drop another 15 or so pounds. Christie Wellington became a real force to be reckoned with this season after she dropped all of her excess poundage. That I can start on right now. If I keep up even mildly training I should be good through the holidays.
Things to think about, I guess I need to just keep telling myself if anything happens to me while I am training it won't be permanent. That as long as I cool down I should be okay right?? I really want to go hard this season, go hard or go home as they say. I am sitting at home, I did for too many races on my calendar this season and HATED it, so I guess it's go hard right?
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Where Have I Been You Must be Wondering....
Yeah, yeah, I know, long time, no write, but truthfully I haven't felt much like revelling in any accomplishment of mine lately, they have been far and few between. I don't even remember my last races I wrote about. I think the last triathlon I did was the Richmond Sprint. I braved that one after not training much, and hoped that I could pull something out of myself. The swim was actually pretty much on target for me for a 400 meter swim, the bike was okay and the run was so so. I finished in 1 hour 29 minutes. Kind of pathetic compared to what it could have been.
I had pretty much made my decision not to run the marathon after missing almost 2 months of run training. I am not saying I didn't run, I did, but I was doing 3 miles here and there, still feeling like crap. I do lead the fifth graders for run club on Thursdays and that is nice enough and a gratifying experience. But I am not leading them on a 20 mile long run, or for speed workouts at the track. It all kind of went downhill when I started the medicine. It stung like crazy to back out of that, it was my Ironman of the season. The culmination of all that I trained for and it didn't happen. It felt like another humiliating kick in the crotch for me, but hey, that's that's the way my season went this year. Some good, some bad, mostly mediocre.
So I lived through my husband's Ironman, and him being away many weekends racing, in places like Bermuda, while I held down the fort. I would love to say I was gracious about it but for obvious reasons, it was really hard. I was pretty much over the whole single mom thing, and hearing about Ironman stuff, and living and eating and breathing it for the last year of my life. It would be different if I were training for it too, but I wasn't, so it is what it is. I am most definitely proud of him for doing such a stellar job, really I am and was, but I was still smarting that I wasn't running my marathon. I dunno, it really bugged me. It kind of stunk that my husband felt he needed to volunteer at the marathon today too. I guess I am being a whiner, but whatever, it's how I feel so there pftbpttt.
Anyway, we are setting up a race calendar for next year and I hesitate to show any excitement. I mean why get excited if I have another crap season? I don't know that my husband understands. He wills his body to do something and it does it. Sometimes I want to scream, I try so hard and have nothing to show for it many times. The only good thing about our first triathlon of the season is the fact it will be in Knoxville, TN and I will be seeing my best friend in the whole, wide, world that weekend too, and her family. It was a motivating factor, and my husband knew it would be. As is stands right now we are doing the Ukrops 10K in March, nothing for me as it stands now in April, the Muddy Buddy, the Rev3 Olympic distance in Knoxville and the Power Sprint in May, the MS 150 and I love the tavern in June, the NYC Olympic in July, the Pink Power in August and the Richmond sprint in October. Ta-da, I would normally get that wonderful jumpy feeling in my belly, that chomping at the bit feeling that I get at the thought of race day, but not so right now. I am feeling a sense of dread, like what kind of season will it be? Plus I am freaking out that people I don't really want to have to deal with are talking about doing these tris too. Yuck...I want to kick some serious ass now, but I am truly doubting myself and my ability to do anything anymore, I know wah, wah, wah....poverina.
Okay, while I am complaining, I hate to sound like a green female, but when my husband gushes over other girls and their finishes and how well they do, it irks the living hell out of me. And don't get me started on how pissy I get when I see all of these girls paying him mind and fawning all over him for how well he does. It's like back off ladies, but I am sure it's just me being a green female like I said. He's oblivious even though I see....
To top it all off, I stopped training about 6 days ago. I think I just got burnt and disappointed, so there you have it. I believe I need to start blogging again, start writing about everything to keep track and maybe I will have a record when there is a hiccup in my racing. There's a thought. Maybe one I will stick to now that I am not holding down the fort by myself anymore.
My husband asked me what we were having for breakfast tomorrow morning, I even went to church tonight so we would have our first Sunday morning together in a million years. It was music to my ears, what a nice thought to be having, don't know what it will be, but I do know I won't be alone in my breakfast journey tomorrow morning. Might not be a 100 mile bike ride, but I don't think his rump will be as sore when we're done!
I had pretty much made my decision not to run the marathon after missing almost 2 months of run training. I am not saying I didn't run, I did, but I was doing 3 miles here and there, still feeling like crap. I do lead the fifth graders for run club on Thursdays and that is nice enough and a gratifying experience. But I am not leading them on a 20 mile long run, or for speed workouts at the track. It all kind of went downhill when I started the medicine. It stung like crazy to back out of that, it was my Ironman of the season. The culmination of all that I trained for and it didn't happen. It felt like another humiliating kick in the crotch for me, but hey, that's that's the way my season went this year. Some good, some bad, mostly mediocre.
So I lived through my husband's Ironman, and him being away many weekends racing, in places like Bermuda, while I held down the fort. I would love to say I was gracious about it but for obvious reasons, it was really hard. I was pretty much over the whole single mom thing, and hearing about Ironman stuff, and living and eating and breathing it for the last year of my life. It would be different if I were training for it too, but I wasn't, so it is what it is. I am most definitely proud of him for doing such a stellar job, really I am and was, but I was still smarting that I wasn't running my marathon. I dunno, it really bugged me. It kind of stunk that my husband felt he needed to volunteer at the marathon today too. I guess I am being a whiner, but whatever, it's how I feel so there pftbpttt.
Anyway, we are setting up a race calendar for next year and I hesitate to show any excitement. I mean why get excited if I have another crap season? I don't know that my husband understands. He wills his body to do something and it does it. Sometimes I want to scream, I try so hard and have nothing to show for it many times. The only good thing about our first triathlon of the season is the fact it will be in Knoxville, TN and I will be seeing my best friend in the whole, wide, world that weekend too, and her family. It was a motivating factor, and my husband knew it would be. As is stands right now we are doing the Ukrops 10K in March, nothing for me as it stands now in April, the Muddy Buddy, the Rev3 Olympic distance in Knoxville and the Power Sprint in May, the MS 150 and I love the tavern in June, the NYC Olympic in July, the Pink Power in August and the Richmond sprint in October. Ta-da, I would normally get that wonderful jumpy feeling in my belly, that chomping at the bit feeling that I get at the thought of race day, but not so right now. I am feeling a sense of dread, like what kind of season will it be? Plus I am freaking out that people I don't really want to have to deal with are talking about doing these tris too. Yuck...I want to kick some serious ass now, but I am truly doubting myself and my ability to do anything anymore, I know wah, wah, wah....poverina.
Okay, while I am complaining, I hate to sound like a green female, but when my husband gushes over other girls and their finishes and how well they do, it irks the living hell out of me. And don't get me started on how pissy I get when I see all of these girls paying him mind and fawning all over him for how well he does. It's like back off ladies, but I am sure it's just me being a green female like I said. He's oblivious even though I see....
To top it all off, I stopped training about 6 days ago. I think I just got burnt and disappointed, so there you have it. I believe I need to start blogging again, start writing about everything to keep track and maybe I will have a record when there is a hiccup in my racing. There's a thought. Maybe one I will stick to now that I am not holding down the fort by myself anymore.
My husband asked me what we were having for breakfast tomorrow morning, I even went to church tonight so we would have our first Sunday morning together in a million years. It was music to my ears, what a nice thought to be having, don't know what it will be, but I do know I won't be alone in my breakfast journey tomorrow morning. Might not be a 100 mile bike ride, but I don't think his rump will be as sore when we're done!
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