You know after my little pity party with my last post, I felt better. I had to remind myself that I had some pretty good races last season. I had a PR for a 5k, and this came the day after I had PR'd my 5k in a triathlon the day before. I smoked that triathlon for me, and was really happy. So there were little victories along the way. Not all dismal and terrible like I would have you believe.
There's the thing, for the Yin of my season there was the definite Yang. I guess I figured the mojo would keep up even when my training wasn't there. Of course, that didn't happen. Did I want to be extremely critical of my last season or did I want to stomp my foot and complain, did I fail myself, or did the Race Gods just have it in for me??? Ah, one of life's lovely little conundrums to ponder. Yes I had a lousy Half Marathon for the Patrick Henry. I might have been able to make myself run through the toenail coming off and how freaking much that hurt, but why? At that point I was still running my marathon. Why risk injuring myself even worse when that was supposed to just be a training run. I kept it in perspective that day. I guess it's when my season so unceremoniously unravelled the way it did is when in my mind the "whole season sucked".
I needed to take care of my blood pressure. That medicine I started taking has been doing wonders for me truly. My blood pressure is in a low normal range. Even if I skip a day by accident, my blood pressure is still good. My training has been getting better. I still sweat more then I am accustomed to, but if I hydrate more during my training session it helps.
The next thing I need to consider is what I am going to do the 2010 season. Do I throw all caution to the wind, train like I am a pro, and see what happens? What happens if my body fails me? I think that is why I have always held back. Always used that as my crutch when I train, when it got hard, and hurt, I would ease up. Ever afraid of falling, not feeling my legs etc. But really, in my heart I know even if that happened it is just temporary. I have to admit when I have the visual problems after a hard workout, and I cannot get them to go away as quickly as I'd like, I freak a little. It is scary going from clear vision, to Holy Cow, I can't see anything clearly, it's like looking at an overly staticky TV or something. That's scary, but that too goes away as my body readjusts. I want to say I am going to crush 2010, I want to say I am going to blow the doors off of my 3 previous seasons, I want to say I will be on the podium once this year, just once, once in my life, but I am scared. Scared of my body failing to listen as I work hard to achieve that.
And there it is, I am afraid to go for a season like that because I am afraid I can't do it. It's one thing to say you can't do it, and another to really not be able to. I haven't put myself in that situation yet, and I am afraid to try I think.
So I have time. Time to decide. I know my husband and I are signing up for a master swim program that meets 3 times a week. I will improve my technique exponentially, improve my endurance and speed, and that's a good thing. I am signed up for my first race of the tri season and it's an Oly. Not starting with a sprint, but an Oly. So my training will be hard to start right away, but that's okay too. I want to drop another 15 or so pounds. Christie Wellington became a real force to be reckoned with this season after she dropped all of her excess poundage. That I can start on right now. If I keep up even mildly training I should be good through the holidays.
Things to think about, I guess I need to just keep telling myself if anything happens to me while I am training it won't be permanent. That as long as I cool down I should be okay right?? I really want to go hard this season, go hard or go home as they say. I am sitting at home, I did for too many races on my calendar this season and HATED it, so I guess it's go hard right?
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