Valentine's Day, for what it's worth

Happy Valentine's Day everyone.  Yeah, whatever...

As I was laying in bed this morning, this warming my feet I realized it was Valentine's Day.

Yeah, I am not that warm, mushy type over the day at all.  I had just wished my Valentine for the last 26 years the happiest of days and gave him a kiss as he rolled over and went back to sleep, but that is pretty much all we are doing.  I hate all of the hype associated with it.  Brad has tried so hard to make me get into the sentiment of it all previously, but no thanks, I'll pass.  Like I said to him a million times before, you treat me like Valentine's Day is every day my love, you do not need to shower me with stuff on one day.

I hate that I am rather Grinch like in attitude about it.  But as I sat and dissected my emotions  I realized just why I hate the day the way I do.

Let's rewind to the sixth grade with my first ever Valentine's day memory that has stuck out in my mind, I drew a card for a guy I liked.  It had angels and hearts all over it.  The doodler in me was proud of the card I produced.  My friends at the time put me up to actually presenting it to him in front of a whole slew of boys.  Did I ever mention I was rather portly in the sixth grade?  Kind of large-ish and definitely not the girl that the boys swooned over that's for sure.  Do you see where I am going with this??  But anyway, I gave the kid my card fully hoping, because he definitely wasn't in with the popular group of boys, that he would be like "WOW" this is really great!  She drew this card for me, she wants me to be her Valentine!  That's awesome!  What in the living hell was I thinking??? This is a boy in the sixth grade for heaven's sake, we all know how this turned out right?

He laughed, tore it in two and threw it at me.  I was stunned to say the least.  I didn't expect him to be so degrading, I didn't expect to walk away that humiliated with people laughing at me.  I tried to act like it didn't matter, trying to be all nonchalant, laughing about how poorly it went, but oh how it stung....I never did draw another card for a guy again.

Or let's go ahead and go to high school where they have those STOOPID "Send a flower to the one you love" sales for Valentine's Day.  That was always great for your ego, especially when you never had a Valentine.  Sure my best friends and I gave flowers to each other so we wouldn't look totally pathetic, but yeah, it made you feel great to see the cheerleaders, the pretty girls who ALWAYS had boyfriends or the girls who were a little more willing in the back seat of a car walking around with full bouquets.

I did have a boyfriend one year for Valentine's Day, I was incredibly excited.  My best friend and I spent all afternoon making heart shaped chocolate chip cookies for our boyfriends who were best friends.  They both went to Kings Point Merchant Marine Academy, both midshipmen.  We got all dolled up, trying to look our best for the guys.  It was my first ever Valentine! I wasn't missing a moment of all of the hype.  I was soaking up the moment, reveling in the fact that I got to brag at school that my BOYFRIEND went to college, that I actually had a Valentine for once...So we went, cookies in tow, so excited to give them to them.

*Le sigh* I had my first VALENTINE, I got to get a kiss from my VALENTINE I got to give heart shaped cookies I made to my VALENTINE.  My VALENTINE eagerly accepted them from me and broke up with me as he ate one and walked away into a restricted area where civilians, particularly girl civilians, weren't allowed.

wahh wahh wahhhhhh.....

In the immortal words of plankton, Well this stinks....

You know I thought the sting from the sixth grade would never be topped.  I thought that humiliation could never be duplicated.  And I was right.

This was worse, way worse than that.

Yeah, I know, I know, let it go Danielle.  This is stuff that happened eons ago. I have a Valentine now, I have had one for 26 years, I am lucky.  But truly? I cannot get into the hype, not when I see girls in the same boat I was.  Not when we are supposed to place some type of importance on relationships on one day a year.  One day that is supposed to be a defining day showing how much they care for you.  Not when I was dealt the humiliation that I was two times.  Like the saying goes, if it happens once shame on you, if it happens twice?  Shame on me.  Sorry, I wasn't opening myself up to being shamed again.

I know it would be different if I had the experience my daughter is having with her first boyfriend. Heck the boy woke me up this morning so excited to wake her up and bring her her first Valentine's Days gifts ever.  He's taking her to a movie, brought her a teddy bear, her favorite candies from Sour Patch kids to Ferrer Roche.....

A boy who has been so sweet, not your typical hockey player but one that is treating her like the princess she deserves to be treated like.  It is all so fairy tale-esque.  Another *le sigh* is to be inserted here.

I guess Valentine's Day will never be important to me.  Will never make me all mushy and warm and fuzzy.  

Besides red has never been my color, ask my family, it makes me look ruddy....