No Excuses....

After my performance on Sunday, I had a long, hard look at things. There were moments of grace, I did better on the bike, thanks honey for your Flashpoints, felt great on my swim and fizzled on my run. I was chatting with my husband about it all and he said one thing that really made sense to me "no more excuses". How true, how true....I can continue to compete at the level I am, train at the level I am and place the level I do. And continue to make excuses, I'm afraid of passing out from my medicine, I am afraid of what will happen because of my MS. Or I can try a different tact. What's the saying, Go hard or go home? I have to admit the thought scares me. It scares me a bunch. What if I do pass out, like my husband said, someone's going to see you, they won't run over you, or at least they won't step on you and they'll get you some help. The whole MS thing doesn't really hold water either. Anything that happens when I over heat goes away, it's a pseudo-exacerbation, and overheating won't cause a real exacerbation anyway. I know that, but still it's scary when your vision gets all fluky, you know?

So why then, does this really scare me. I believe it's because I am afraid of disappointing myself. Ah, there it is, I feel sort of rubbed raw tender saying that out loud. But that is the truth my blogosphere friends. I am afraid to set higher goals then what I have in place right now. Really, coming in 14th out of a field of 47 is nothing to sneeze at, another point my husband made. But coming in top 5 has to feel pretty freaking good. So yes, I am setting my goals. I want optimal performance from this body. It may be too late someday and I don't want to have any regrets. I know somewhere in here is a top five finishing triathlete who is dying to bust out.

I know it's not realistic to hope for that this season, I don't know that there is enough time to train to get there, to get to the top five. What if I try my hardest and barely crack the top ten, what if......wait a minute, today starts No Excuses racing for me. So NO EXCUSES, I am off to swim 2000 meters hopefully I don't pass out....hahaha, NO EXCUSES!!

Wondering how I did, well here ya go...

Okay, I am semi satisfied with how I did. I had hoped to break 1 hour 15 minutes, I was off by three minutes, wahhhhhhh. However, I did wind up finishing almost 4 minutes faster then this race last year so there's something. At first, I thought I had finished same time as I did last year, so I was sad. I felt like, well crap, nothing got better. So it soothed me sort of to see I did do better. It made me try and analyze things too. I need to work on my run. It has been so slow going trying to get better since last summer and the Lisinopril debacle. But now I know I can run at least 9 minute miles, or there abouts. I need to push myself more during my training.

I am anxious to see my results. The best time I had for this particular course is 1 hour 16 minutes. I should really remind myself, that even with MS, I finished better then a bunch of people without it. But truly, I don't think that argument holds water. We all step up to the starting line with something we have to deal with.

On that note, I am going to go take a nap. I might blog more later, and I might not. Still in a gray and dreary mood sadly....Maybe a bbq, and a beer will make me feel better and hanging with the man who still puts butterflies in my tummy....Let the healing begin, at least 4 minutes of it!

Dreary day before my first tri

So I sit here, looking at the results from my previous Shady Grove Sprint tris and wonder what will be tomorrow. First race of the season for real this time. First race with my new wheels, those Eastons I got for mother's day are sah-weet, first race with my new saddle, my butt hurts a lot less thank you Adamo, first race....

Why am I not excited? Usually I have these butterflies and a hopeful heart that something good will happen. Maybe this time I can race and be done in an hour and fifteen minutes? Where is that subconscious thought?? Hello, hello, hello....All I hear is an echo in my head.

My running is terrible. I am still struggling to get back to where I was before this whole thing with my blood pressure hit (which still pisses me off when I think about all the exercise I do and I still have to take medication). If I am turning a 9 minute mile I am lucky, seriously. Maybe I can make the time difference up on my bike? My biking has gotten stronger. Hills in Tarrington, doing that half Century, trying to keep up with and drafting off of Brad etc. But still I am blah. Even my blogging has been half hearted. The frustrated writer in me is, well, frustrated I guess.

Maybe it's hormonal, maybe I am just a craggy wench right now. But I don't think that's it either. Part of me wishes Brad was still my training buddy, but he is so far out of my league. He's in with the big boys, the Ironman club. A club I cannot even try to get in until my kids are grown and not needing me so much. Do I still resent the fact that he did one without me, I don't think that's it...

Summer is coming and I definitely need a break from the hectic life I put myself in this year. I don't regret a minute of it, but my training get the least amount of my attention when I try to be a good mom to my four girls. It will be nice to not have school stuff interfere with training stuff too.

So on this dreary gray day, I wonder in my dreary way, what will happen tomorrow, dunno, but I guess I will find out won't I?

Races cancelled, plans to make....

So, this season started out with a fizzle more then a bang. We had our race calendar set to start this past weekend. Brad was starting on Saturday with his Wintergreen ascent. Then the Muddy Buddy, which holds a place close to my heart because it was how I dipped my toes in the ever addictive race font how many years ago now, 4 maybe? That didn't happen. Then we were doing Knoxville. The Rev3 Oly had my name written all over it. I was following a training plan, getting ready for it, feeling as confident as a reluctant triathlete could, but we are going to have to cancel, like we did the Muddy Buddy. Partially, due to my husband re-injuring his ribs, making it all but impossible to swim and run, partially due to the fact that our lives have been a non-stop, living, traveling, volunteering, room momming hell.

Brad graciously offered to go anyway to Knoxville and watch me compete. He is my best and biggest fan ever, and I would have taken him up on that if I hadn't been traveling every weekend since the beginning of April. Between that and my volunteering responsibilities, I feel so overwhelmed. I haven't had the time to breathe, let alone get ready for one more trip.

I like to think that the "Big Man Upstairs", as my dad affectionately called Him, was letting us know, in His own way, that it is time to slow ourselves down. That maybe Brad's re-injury is His way of saying, enough! You've been doing too much lately and something is going to give, namely you!! We are trying to reschedule the Rev3 for next year, we take it easy this weekend, and come out stronger for it. When my first race comes, I will be ready, and will be able to enjoy it instead of it being one more thing I have to slog through.....

So I will take this reprieve happily, get ready for my new first race, and hopefully pull out a great finish for me. We got handed some lemons at the start of the race season. I am enjoying a glass of lemonade, care for one with me?