No Excuses....

After my performance on Sunday, I had a long, hard look at things. There were moments of grace, I did better on the bike, thanks honey for your Flashpoints, felt great on my swim and fizzled on my run. I was chatting with my husband about it all and he said one thing that really made sense to me "no more excuses". How true, how true....I can continue to compete at the level I am, train at the level I am and place the level I do. And continue to make excuses, I'm afraid of passing out from my medicine, I am afraid of what will happen because of my MS. Or I can try a different tact. What's the saying, Go hard or go home? I have to admit the thought scares me. It scares me a bunch. What if I do pass out, like my husband said, someone's going to see you, they won't run over you, or at least they won't step on you and they'll get you some help. The whole MS thing doesn't really hold water either. Anything that happens when I over heat goes away, it's a pseudo-exacerbation, and overheating won't cause a real exacerbation anyway. I know that, but still it's scary when your vision gets all fluky, you know?

So why then, does this really scare me. I believe it's because I am afraid of disappointing myself. Ah, there it is, I feel sort of rubbed raw tender saying that out loud. But that is the truth my blogosphere friends. I am afraid to set higher goals then what I have in place right now. Really, coming in 14th out of a field of 47 is nothing to sneeze at, another point my husband made. But coming in top 5 has to feel pretty freaking good. So yes, I am setting my goals. I want optimal performance from this body. It may be too late someday and I don't want to have any regrets. I know somewhere in here is a top five finishing triathlete who is dying to bust out.

I know it's not realistic to hope for that this season, I don't know that there is enough time to train to get there, to get to the top five. What if I try my hardest and barely crack the top ten, what if......wait a minute, today starts No Excuses racing for me. So NO EXCUSES, I am off to swim 2000 meters hopefully I don't pass out....hahaha, NO EXCUSES!!