And Time Makes It Harder...

I started this morning off way too early.  I had trouble falling asleep, don't know why.  I was all snuggled in under the down comforter my husband insisted we get (and I'm glad we did now), warm and happy waiting for the shade of sleep to fall on me, but nope.  Wasn't happening.

I wondered if it was the spicy Rad Prik shrimp I had for dinner.  Let me back up a step here, I went to a very nice dinner with a friend I had been trying to get together with forever and what a fun time I had!  We chattered away sans the men in our lives, carrying on girls only type conversations and it was just perfect.  Sometimes a girls night out with a really great person is just what you need.  But anyway, I was wondering if it was my dinner, but I don't think so.  Maybe it was the fact I was alone in my bed and I had nothing to curl into or the familiar hum of my husband sleeping next to me.

Anyway, sleep escaped me, but the puppy sure didn't.  I need to explain weekends to her.  They mean sleeping in not getting up at our usual 6:00 am.  As sure as my weekday alarm, Artie was howling away in her crate calling for me.  With one eye open I stumbled down the stairs to take the little girl on a walk.  Then I made my coffee and the day was on...

I sat down at my computer to waste some time in the Social Media la la land of lost moments and it just hit me.  The tears started welling up, I was missing my Beau.  When it's quiet like that, and early morning, Beau comes to my heart so readily.  He would walk up to me when I came downstairs during the week to get the girls breakfast together etc. and nudge me with that Boxer nose of his.  He'd nudge and nudge, me being mockingly impatient with him saying, "Beau I need both of my hands to make breakfast, make coffee, type this email..."  I'd pretend to be all exasperated and he'd keep up, those warm, brown eyes looking at me expectantly and he'd melt my resolve.  Of course I would stop and scratch him, his little tail swirling in circles like a helicopter rotor.  All the while I was chiding him for taking the time I should have been using for whatever task was at hand.  I would wrap my arms around that big, old barrel chest of his and he'd lean into me *sniff*.....

~Insert big Boxer sigh here.  My throat has that familiar hitch in it and my vision is all wavy.  Oh, how I'd give my left arm for one more morning of wasting my time like that!~

Beau, today my heart is aching for you.  Could it be I have been thinking about you since Heather found that picture yesterday of you on your first birthday? She handed me the picture with her head down and her bottom lip trembling. Then she held her arms out to me and snuggled into my hug for a bit until she felt better.

You will have left us 2 months ago here soon and yet my heart aches like I am leaving the Vet's office again.  I remember trying so hard to keep my composure as I hovered over your now lifeless body. I hugged that barrel chest one last time before your warmth dissipated and I knew we had to walk to the car.  The tears just streamed from my eyes in a never ending flow though.  It was futile, I knew those tears wouldn't stop that day.  I feel like that all over again.  I cannot stanch them for some reason today.

Little Man, I miss you.  "I'll keep you locked in my head until we meet again.  And I won't forget you my friend.....Time makes it harder, my darling, who knew?"