For each beautiful life that enters this world, one has to leave...

That came from a dream I had.  Or at least I convinced myself it was a dream.  That thought comes to me every time I hear about a precious life leaving this world for the next.

I had this best friend from high school, I still have two, but this girl was my third.  She was someone I will never forget meeting.

I went from a small, Catholic school into our public high school.  I had 32 or so in my class for 8 years.  Same classroom, no upstairs/downstairs.  I went into Glen Cove High which at the time seemed massive.  It had two floors!  It had two cafeterias, it had many, many classrooms compared to St. Hyacinth's.  Anyway one day during my freshman year I saw this girl standing outside one of the science classrooms crying her eyes out.  I didn't know who she was, she was sort of heavy set, had blonde hair and was crying away.  I had to stop, it must have been during class because there was no one in the hall at the time.  I asked her what was wrong, she wouldn't answer at first.  Then she sort of hiccuped at me "it's stupid really, I'm fine",  I promised I wouldn't think it was stupid, she was breaking my heart with how sad she was.  She finally said, "my dog died this morning" and burst into a fresh round of tears.  I hugged her, and promised her I didn't think it was stupid, I have been an animal lover my whole life and I am sure I tried to make her feel better in some clumsy 14 year old way.  But that day started a beautiful friendship.

Her name was MaryAnn, but her nickname was MiMi.  We did all sorts of fun stuff together.  She pulled me into a new circle of friends which was welcomed since most of Glen Cove High School freshman went to middle school together and didn't go to one of the Catholic schools.  She introduced me to Punk and New Wave, two genres of music I was unfamiliar with at the time, and had the neatest outlook on things.  Some of my fondest memories were driving around, blasting music with her.  Or sitting at the beach.  Or going to Depeche Mode, Squeeze, Madness, OMD, insert any 80's new wave band here and we probably went to their concert together.  She didn't look for trouble, she was an honestly good and decent person.  She wouldn't even curse.  She just didn't have a mean bone in her body.

College came and went, she was still one of my best friends.  Brad and I met and she was in my wedding. Brad loved her.  She used to refer to him as "that guy Brad".  "Tell that guy Brad I said hello!"   She was getting her masters in Physical Therapy and when we went home to visit my mom and dad she'd pop us on the kitchen table to practice massage techniques she had learned.  She had me rolling with the stories of the butt massage she had to give to that smelly guy in her class and gross me out with stories about what happened to the cadavers they worked with at school....She was such a pure soul.

When I got pregnant with my first daughter she was fascinated by my growing pregnancy, she called frequently letting me know things I could do to get comfortable with my ever burgeoning belly.  She would lament that Richmond was too far from Glen Cove and wished we could see each other.

I had my baby, she was over the moon about her.  I remember speaking to her, it was before her finals.  When she passed, she would be a physical therapist.  How proud I was of her!  She always loved sports, it was her brother's season tickets to the Rangers that brought us to Madison Square Garden to see our beloved team play.  She was going to make her living taking care of athletes she said.

She told me she would be up to her eyeballs in studying and would call me after her last final to tell me how she did.  She was always an amazing and diligent student. I knew she's rock it I told her. She heard Bailey make a baby noise in the background, I was holding her and cradling the phone, and MiMi melted.  We wrapped up the phone call as Bailey started to fuss to eat.  I remember MiMi saying to me, "Dee, I can't wait to hold her!"  I told her I missed her, good luck, and I couldn't wait to see her and we got off the phone.

Maybe two weeks later, she still hadn't called me about her finals, our mutual friend called and asked me if I was sitting.  I was as a matter of fact, I was watching that Bass/Rankin Little Drummer Boy Christmas special, Christmas wasn't even 2 weeks away.  And she told me that MiMi had been in a horrible car accident.  Someone hit her from behind, she hit the car in front of her etc...many cars involved.  The roof of her car bent like a V, crushed her head and she was on life support.  I won't tell you what it was like until I got the next phone call about a week later telling me she was gone.  She finally flat lined and there was no brain activity that came back after that wreck.  And then, like that feather in Forrest Gump, her spirit blew away to where ever good souls go when they've used their time up here.

My family told me there was no way I could travel to her wake and funeral with a baby that wasn't even a month old yet.  She's too small blah, blah, blah.  Being a first time mom I stupidly listened and didn't go.  I regretted that decision, I still do to this day.  I didn't get to go through the Catholic ritual that I was accustomed to in saying good bye.  I didn't get my chance to mourn with friends we had in common, I didn't get my closure.  After all wakes and funerals really aren't for the dead are they?  They are how the living cope with a loved one dying...

So one night, not too many weeks later, I dreamed of her, the most vivid dream, it was almost real I swear.  She woke me up.  She shook me as I slept and asked if we could talk.  I jumped up and hugged her in my dream.  I cried, I told her how much I missed her, I started babbling telling her I was sorry I wasn't at her wake or at her funeral.  I kept grabbing her and kept hugging her.  Then we sat on the foot of my bed and she held my hand as we talked.

I asked her why she had to die.  She told me that the Lord explained to her we all reach a level of perfection at one time or another in our lives.  When that time comes, the Lord calls us home. Sometimes it's a baby that isn't even born yet, sometimes it's a child, sometimes it's a person who has lived a long life, we all have our time.  When it comes you have to go.  And there are those who just never reach that point, people who are evil at heart and won't reach salvation, they die as well but they don't go where the good people go. Then she said to stop suffering over not going to her funeral and wake. She knew I wanted to be there, she knew how much I loved her and to let it go. She also told me I wouldn't dream of her again for a long time, that she couldn't see me again for awhile.  She said she couldn't watch me sad about the whole situation any longer so she arranged to visit me earlier than she should have, whatever that meant.  I told her I didn't want her to go, but she got up to leave, I knew she couldn't stay.

She said as she was going as she got up, for every beautiful life that enters this world Dee, one has to leave.  With that thought hanging in the air, she was gone.

I have a friend who is mourning a loss right now and it brought to mind those last few seconds with MiMi all those years ago. And those words, they have stayed with me forever.  I know for the beautiful life my friend is mourning, a beautiful one will come to take his place....