ROI

Usually when Brad and I discuss ROI, we're talking about an investment we made in something.  We invest our money as wisely as we can and like to avoid things that don't have a good Return On Investment.  But as we were chattering away on our way home from Carvel tonight I got thinking about that term.  ROI, it's not just in business dealings really is it?

Let me pontificate the point.

Did you ever know one of THOSE people?  They one up you on everything.  I have a neighbor who actually had to do that with her washing machine.  I had just gotten a new front loading washer that could handle 16 pair of jeans at a time I was telling another mom at the bus stop.  I needed it for all of the legs that wore pants in this house at the time.  Well this woman went on to tell me HER washing machine was better.  It could hold 32 towels at a time, mine was nothing compared to hers.

hahahaha, I looked at her like she was from fricking Mars I swear.  I told her I was happy for her and if she wanted to come over and grab 32 of my dirty towels she was welcomed to wash them any time, but I digress.  Needless to say there was no ROI in that neighborly relationship.  Anything I invested was constantly one upped.  I couldn't handle it, I finally stopped talking to her when she had to point out to another neighbor her sprinkler system had more heads than hers and was therefore better.  Just one of those relationships not worth investing your time in.

One of my first friends in VA from 20 years ago was another toxic relationship I had to end.  I tried so hard to keep this friendship going, but again no ROI.  I gave and gave and gave.  This woman gleefully took and took and took.  And her kid was sooooooooooo much better than mine.  My kid can read better than yours, my kid can spell better than yours, my kid got invited to a birthday party and yours didn't, my kid can ride a bike better than yours, my kid can swim better than yours, my kid is a better artist than yours.  I can go on and on, but why?  You get the gist of it right?  I finally got tired of it, I couldn't do it anymore so I had to walk away.  BAD investment with no return.

Then there are the trickier relationships that you really can't cut ties with, as much as you might want to.  Sometimes they are business, sometimes they are family but for whatever reason you can't stop the bleeding and you have to do your best to stanch it.

I have friends that own a business and they have to deal with this crazy person neither of them care very much for, but they don't have a choice because their businesses intersect.  As much as they'd like to say go soak your head, they cannot because it wouldn't be prudent to do so business wise with what pull this business associate has.  They limit their interactions to the bare bones and hope for the best with each meeting.  Minimal return on their painful investment, but worth the effort I suppose.

What happens though, when it's a family member?  We all have those people in our families.  A dear friend of mine from a job I had many moons ago once said to me, "Family, unfortunately, you are born and stuck with.  Friends, thankfully you can chose".  Think about it, makes loads of sense.  I hate that people automatically think you have to put up with them merely because of the DNA and blood that you share.   There are people you should just be allowed to walk away from regardless of ties.  But you never really can.  Another friend told her brother who had gotten a girl pregnant you might as well marry her, you'll be tied to her for the rest of your life through the child you share together.  Ok, maybe wrong idea there, but her point about being irrevocably tied to this woman once their child came was true.  I think his working on a positive relationship with this woman would result in a happy kid, so there is a huge ROI in that particular situation. The mom on the other hand is a total nut ball.  He probably did know that before he got into this situation.  Wear a condom next time.  Consider it a stop loss order for this type of investment.

Another friend has an aunt who is bar none THE most negative woman I have ever encountered.  She has had some major issues in her life, no denying that, but this woman is the glass is half empty kind of person.  There will never be joy in that woman's Mudville and yet everyone tolerates her.  "We have to she's family", I heard the last time I asked why she even bothers to talk to this woman.  If you we're told you were going to have to throw every dollar you make into a furnace, you wouldn't do it would you?  Why let yourself be burned every time by this caustic person??

Don't get me wrong, I don't think all relationships aren't worth the effort.  Far from the truth!

Of course there are my kids too.  I feel like every minute I spend talking to my 16 year old, or reading with my 9 year old or laughing with my 13 year old go into their memory bank.  I hope the Cupid shuffling in our kitchen at random moments, or jumping out and scaring each other when we least expect it, or holding them as they cry because a friend has hurt them so grievously, or sat with them while they were sick, or go over and above to make an awesome holiday whatever the holiday is or help them reach a goal, grab that dream they have been pursuing, will be something that helps them grow into happy adults someday.  There are the moments where I drop the ball, no two ways about it.  Moments when I say the absolute wrong thing, grab an arm too roughly, exclaim in exasperation at something they've done by accident and they feel badly enough about that I add salt to that wound.  All I can do is apologize and move on to a better moment with them.  I hope that by apologizing to my girls, it makes them realize it's ok to make mistakes as long as you correct what the wrong is and make amends.  But my kids are an investment I would make over and over again.  Sometimes the return is less than favorable in the short term, but I am looking long term here.  I keep investing in this 401k.  I will be rewarded with grandkids in my retirement at the very least :)

My marriage is another investment I have reaped more than my fair share with.  Holy cow, I will liken Brad to a penny stock.  I invested almost NOTHING here, except my faith in us.  Penny stocks are sexy, kind of a dangerous investment, you never know how they will turn.  A lot like my relationship with Brad at first.  HUGE risk involved, however the reward can be just as huge.  I didn't know him, met him, fell head over heels and decided to go for it.  Risky, we got engaged in less than 3 months of knowing each other, married less than a year later. That was almost 23 years ago....Huge risk, huge investment best.return.eva...I invest every day and the return is sweet whether it's hearing every time I turn around how beautiful I am, how good I am at whatever it is I am doing, arms around me when I need them, smooches hello and goodbye, I love yous that make my stomach still get quivery every single time I hear them, it always sounds as beautiful as the first time I heard those words.

Hmmm, never fancied myself the type who really "got" all of this ROI stuff, not the numbering kind, but put in the right perspective, I get it.  And the ROIs of this kind are really the important kinds in our lives aren't they?