I am sure if you're a Walking Dead fan you've seen the new episode that has everyone talking. There is one line from a particularly heart wrenching scene that keeps popping up in my head. The one where Glen just had his head bashed by Lucille, eyeball popping out, him reaching for his beloved Maggie and trying to form the words "I will find you". That moment stuck with me, not for the eye ball popping gore, although that does make me nauseous to this moment, but the sentiment. I will find you.
It made me think, could he? Would he find her after he crossed to the next level of existence? Would he watch over his pregnant love? Would he wait for her on the other side? Would they find each other someday? So many questions.
It brought me to the question my husband asked me right before his dad passed, after every thing he witnessed, "I wonder what it's like? Dying, I wonder what happens".
My knee jerk reaction is well as a Catholic, I believe that we go to heaven if we are truly repentant. That there is this mass of souls floating somewhere and hopefully we will find each other there. But then I think about my friends who don't believe like I do.
Where do they go? What happens to them? I know every belief system has something they adhere to with end of life issues. Do we all meet up and have an amazing end of life party??
I sometimes question my beliefs though. If there really is an after life, why isn't there someone who came back? To tell us they're ok. Come floating down, harp in tow to tell us what happens. To not be afraid. Brad said maybe you can't. But that begs the question why not? I mean if you're a spirit and floating around why not?
After my dad died, right after we came back home from NY, one morning while I was particularly missing him, and everything was still pretty fresh and raw, I found a penny on my bedroom floor. A pretty unremarkable event in itself, but what was remarkable was the date on the penny. It was minted in 1939. The year my father was born. Odd coincidence no? Was this my dad's small way of letting me know that he had indeed crossed into the afterlife. That he was truly ok? Or what about my dream with my best friend, where I swear she was really sitting there with me after she died in that car crash? Was that her way of sneaking back to let me know all was good?
I brought this all up to my daughter who is studying religions in college right now and she posed some really interesting thoughts. One of my favorites was when she questioned who has souls? Do animals have souls? Why do they say animals won't go to heaven if they have to have a soul to live. Why wouldn't they go to heaven then? Is there really such a thing as a bad animal? Would say a dog be a bad dog because he bit someone? She brought up how in psychology good behavior brings good consequences, bad behavior brings bad consequences, sort of the basis of all religions in a way really.
The discussion went on and on until she finally got up to make a pot of coffee because in her words, it was too early to start having an existentialist crisis. Too funny. I guess caffeine cures all lol.
I just got off of the phone with my mom who brought up, out of the blue, something that happened to her today. She walked into her laundry room and she said she was hit with a smell she hadn't smelled in years. The smell of Mennen Speed Stick. My father wore that deodorant all of the time. She said he put it on like a layer of spackle every morning. That would ordinarily be no big deal, but the thing is dad passed away almost 13 years ago. My mom said she picked up every piece of laundry smelling it, looking for a source of the odor. Only she couldn't find it. What if it was my dad trying to let my mom know he was there with her again? What if he was wrapping his ethereal arms around her, sneaking a hug? I smiled at that thought. I know my dad fought his way back from life support to be with mom, only to have the staff infection take him away. I believe in my heart he was just checking in on my mom. He fought so hard, so many times, for so many years not to leave her. I believe he just might have come to see she was still doing well.
There is the part of me that wishes there was some one who had an answer to all that confounds me. Maybe like my oldest daughter said, when I read the start of this to her, that death is something so many are afraid of that no one wants to know the answers. No one wants to try and figure out the answers. Maybe, but a part of me wants to know my loved ones are ok and happy.
"Exploring the unknown requires tolerating uncertainty" ~ Brian Greene
So what do you think? I have friends from all faith and non faith ideals. Feel free to leave comments regarding your beliefs about the afterlife. I would love to hear what you think. In the mean time, I will continue to let this bounce around inside my head.
God made death so we'd know when to stop. ~Steven Stiles
I intend to live forever. So far, so good. ~Steven Wright
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