Today is my 27th wedding anniversary. I got thinking about the whole institution of marriage. What it entails to make a marriage work. Here are the musings of this mad woman, or a woman who is madly in love :)
I texted a friend this morning who texted me and wished us happy anniversary and said that if her marriage is even half of what ours is, she considers herself lucky. I texted back thank you of course, that is a truly beautiful thing to hear from someone, but I also wanted to remind my pretty newly married friend that marriage won't always be perfect, it isn't always easy, but it is sooooo worth the effort and commitment.
I think that is a pretty true statement. I thought of my brother's ex-wife strangely enough after I sent that text. She was a nice enough person, but I always said while she was planning their wedding, that it appeared to me she was more worried about the fairy tale day and not so much about the "happily ever after" part. I still believe that to be true. I wonder sometimes if she had thought about what her golden years with my brother would have been like if she would have married him in the first place. Seeing the "ex" in front of the "wife" tells you the answer was a definite no.
I also wonder about people who make a big fuss about the ring. I can tell you unequivocally I would have married Brad if he just said to me, let's go to a justice of the peace and get married. I didn't need a ring to promise my heart to him. I just wanted to be with him. It made me think of my mom and dad. No engagement ring, no big fancy wedding, just them getting married. They didn't celebrate their anniversary that I could remember, I think it was some time in October, but they were together for 43 years before Pop died. The last 16 of them spent with my mother being a care giver to a man who went through some pretty horrific times.
Marriage vows bounce around inside my head when I think of them-"for richer or poorer"-they had absolutely nothing when they were first married, yet mom didn't leave dad. They were a team and made the best with what they had. "in sickness and in health"-Pop was sick for so long, and mom cared for him. There was never a question in my mind if she would leave like I think would happen in so many marriages today if the going got that rough. There was probably a good deal of "for better or for worse" that I was unaware of because that's how easy they made it look.
I can remember asking my mom after my dad died if she would ever consider dating again, and she answered me with something I will never forget. "No" when I asked why, she told me she had already had the best. No one else would ever match up. You know what? I get that. I feel that way about Brad. No one could fill the space in my heart. I wouldn't even want to bother. Any man that thinks I am beautiful before I brush my teeth is a keeper in my book hahahaha!
Anyway, I digress. Today is nothing but happy thoughts. Of how lucky we are to have each other. How happy I am you love me no matter how ugly I cry or how bad my morning breath is. How you are my biggest cheerleader and I am yours. How blessed we are with our girls, their health. How amazing it is to be Nee and Op. The list of how lucky we are is truly endless.
I cannot wait to see what the next 27 years hold. I am putting my tray table in it's upright and locked position and fastening my seat belt. Our Golden years are coming for us and this is going to be an even more thrilling part of our ride.
I love you to the moon and back!
A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year~Paul Sweeney
Friday, January 6, 2017
Monday, January 2, 2017
Self pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world ~ Helen Keller
I went to a party on New Years Eve afternoon, no not a real party, my husband and I never get invited to those, but a party I think everyone is familiar with.
A pity party.
The day had started off well enough. Coffee in bed with Brad, one of my favorite things. I have been getting dizzy a lot, a sensation I could definitely live without. I have been veering away from my strict, anti-inflammatory diet lately, there were Christmas cookies and other yummy holiday treasures for me to eat after all, and I was feeling it physically. Toss in the stress and the problems that holiday's can bring to family members, and subsequently me, and I was a right, old mess. No other way to describe it.
As I tottered around after my lovely morning in bed with coffee and my hubby, I felt like I needed a V-8
kind of like I was walking on ice and so off balance it was disconcerting. But I had planned to work out with Brad. We didn't go to the New Year's Eve teamer at our Crossfit Box. We had a slow start, and I needed that.
So we went into our garage. Our workout was to be 20 calories on the rower, since we only have one here, I chose to ride our assault bike while Brad rowed. Then we had to do 16 thrusters. Another 20 calories rowed or ridden, then 17 toes to bar, I chose to do ab mat sit ups. I had a bit of an issue with my left grip yesterday, like the kind of issue where I dropped a bar that I was doing shoulder to over head lifts with while it was overhead, causing it to smash into my shoulder and then knee on its way down, ergo, I was nervous to hang from the bar to do my toes to bar from. Three rounds of that and we would be ready for our fun New Years Eve we had planned.
Fast forward about 15 minutes and I was sweaty, hot, and finished. I had to sit when we were done. I really couldn't move to be honest. Walking was difficult. My stupid left leg was having none of me working out and overheating. My husband had to navigate me to our bench press bench, I sat there gulping down my ice water as he was said what a great workout we just had.
At that sentiment, I burst into tears. I was having my own New Years Eve Pity Party!! I didn't need to wait for an invite from people that would never come. I was having my own damned party, and I invited Brad. He had no choice but to accept this invitation, he was going to come to this party. Isn't he a lucky man??? There were no party hats, or noise makers. Just me making the noise.
I let the tears flow. I was frustrated. I started rambling out loud, pitying myself and how my body was reacting to working out. I was sad, so sad for the athlete I would never be, sad for all of the hard work I have done at Crossfit and weight lifting for the last how many years that seemed to be going to waste. I thought back to the Ironman I did, the marathons, all of the hard fondos on my bike, long swims with the sharks. All of that would never have a chance of repeating in my life. I can't run a mile without my left leg dropping and landing like I am wearing a lead boot. At this point, I was a blithering idiot. Did I mention I am an ugly crier? All manner of bodily fluids were running down my face by the time I got everything off of my chest that I had been carrying around with me for the last little while. I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off of my shoulders. This Atlas finally shrugged under the weight of her emotions.
My poor husband. He just let me go, let me cry and spew the frustration I was feeling. I was on the wrong side of life at this moment.
So I am sitting there feeling like I was in the darkest place in my world. I wanted to be on the sunshine, lollipop and rainbows side of my mind. I didn't like feeling like I did.
Brad let me finish, let me sop up my mess of a face and he told me just what I needed to hear. That no matter what happened, we would deal with it together. No matter what came at me, I wouldn't be alone, I wouldn't have to bear this by myself. Those words comforted me. I needed to hear that I was loved unconditionally like that. Time to put your big girl booty shorts on Dee...how do I feel better and get to that happy place?
I thought of my last blog, about being grateful for all that I have. If there is one thing I am not? It is a hypocrite. I am really a lucky woman when I sit back and think. I could be way worse off physically. I know that. Know I am lucky to still be able to scale a Crossfit workout to make my way through it. I guess in a way, that's sort of bad ass right?
Keep thinking Dee.
Alright, I was able to make a wonderful holiday for my family. I actually prayed and thanked God every time I opened my refrigerator and saw how much food was in there. What a blessing that is! To have such abbondanza! It was such a celebration to share all of that with the people I love!
The thoughts continued....
I was doing laundry today and was able to sneak up behind the door as my daughter Erin was coming in the house and scare her, it's still a sport to scare here. Only to have her give me an exasperated "Dani-yell" in her best imitation of my Grandma Tav saying my name. How that makes me laugh! We laughed and got back to folding my clothes that we are able to afford. The clothes that keep us warm, that I can wash in my fancy, schmancy washer and dryer. No beating clothes on a rock here lol!
I heard my daughter Katie belly laughing with her boyfriend at something silly, and hear them laugh and laugh. A sound that I don't think anyone understands how it wraps itself around my heart and warms me from the inside out. Makes me so glad to hear after she has struggled so desperately with depression, such an ugly condition.
I remember the excitement my daughter Heather experienced flying the drone her dad got for Christmas and learning how to make it flip, how happy she was for her best friend Quinn to come over to ring in the New Year with her, or snuggle like a baby joey in the Eno hammock tent thingee that she got from her sister. I smile thinking about her coming up to me and asking for a hug or genuinely wanting me to sit and watch some of our favorite shows together.
I chuckle every time I get a text from Bailey gushing about my Antknee's potty training successes. I break into a huge grin at each text I read from her. Makes my heart positively sing to see how beautifully she is raising my little man. I scold myself for worrying what would happen with Anthony entering this world.
I will be able to cheer my husband on and be his biggest fan at Wodapolooza again this year. How lucky I am to be going to Miami, I am practicing my yelling loud enough so he can hear me already. I know how lucky I am to have him in my life these last 28 years. Lucky that I have been gifted with this man who has worked so hard to provide all he has for my family. We have every thing we need and most of what we want. Who loves me as purely as he does. I am so, so blessed.
Yes, I hear that naggy little voice in my ear whispering, "you have everything you need, except perfect health". No, I don't, but little voice, hear this, I am doing every thing I can in my power to get better. I will live with whatever life throws at me, I will handle it. Know why? Because I put my big girl booty shorts on and realized just how lucky I am.
I have my husband, my girls, my Antknee. I have my extended family if I need them, I have four dogs who are convinced I am the best human they have ever met. I have all of the beauty I have blogged about before. I am truly lucky, this I know. Go to hell little voice....
So I close in saying that I might have been given a bad break, but I've got an awful lot to live for.
- Lou Gehrig
A pity party.
The day had started off well enough. Coffee in bed with Brad, one of my favorite things. I have been getting dizzy a lot, a sensation I could definitely live without. I have been veering away from my strict, anti-inflammatory diet lately, there were Christmas cookies and other yummy holiday treasures for me to eat after all, and I was feeling it physically. Toss in the stress and the problems that holiday's can bring to family members, and subsequently me, and I was a right, old mess. No other way to describe it.
As I tottered around after my lovely morning in bed with coffee and my hubby, I felt like I needed a V-8
kind of like I was walking on ice and so off balance it was disconcerting. But I had planned to work out with Brad. We didn't go to the New Year's Eve teamer at our Crossfit Box. We had a slow start, and I needed that.
So we went into our garage. Our workout was to be 20 calories on the rower, since we only have one here, I chose to ride our assault bike while Brad rowed. Then we had to do 16 thrusters. Another 20 calories rowed or ridden, then 17 toes to bar, I chose to do ab mat sit ups. I had a bit of an issue with my left grip yesterday, like the kind of issue where I dropped a bar that I was doing shoulder to over head lifts with while it was overhead, causing it to smash into my shoulder and then knee on its way down, ergo, I was nervous to hang from the bar to do my toes to bar from. Three rounds of that and we would be ready for our fun New Years Eve we had planned.
Fast forward about 15 minutes and I was sweaty, hot, and finished. I had to sit when we were done. I really couldn't move to be honest. Walking was difficult. My stupid left leg was having none of me working out and overheating. My husband had to navigate me to our bench press bench, I sat there gulping down my ice water as he was said what a great workout we just had.
At that sentiment, I burst into tears. I was having my own New Years Eve Pity Party!! I didn't need to wait for an invite from people that would never come. I was having my own damned party, and I invited Brad. He had no choice but to accept this invitation, he was going to come to this party. Isn't he a lucky man??? There were no party hats, or noise makers. Just me making the noise.
I let the tears flow. I was frustrated. I started rambling out loud, pitying myself and how my body was reacting to working out. I was sad, so sad for the athlete I would never be, sad for all of the hard work I have done at Crossfit and weight lifting for the last how many years that seemed to be going to waste. I thought back to the Ironman I did, the marathons, all of the hard fondos on my bike, long swims with the sharks. All of that would never have a chance of repeating in my life. I can't run a mile without my left leg dropping and landing like I am wearing a lead boot. At this point, I was a blithering idiot. Did I mention I am an ugly crier? All manner of bodily fluids were running down my face by the time I got everything off of my chest that I had been carrying around with me for the last little while. I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off of my shoulders. This Atlas finally shrugged under the weight of her emotions.
My poor husband. He just let me go, let me cry and spew the frustration I was feeling. I was on the wrong side of life at this moment.
So I am sitting there feeling like I was in the darkest place in my world. I wanted to be on the sunshine, lollipop and rainbows side of my mind. I didn't like feeling like I did.
Brad let me finish, let me sop up my mess of a face and he told me just what I needed to hear. That no matter what happened, we would deal with it together. No matter what came at me, I wouldn't be alone, I wouldn't have to bear this by myself. Those words comforted me. I needed to hear that I was loved unconditionally like that. Time to put your big girl booty shorts on Dee...how do I feel better and get to that happy place?
I thought of my last blog, about being grateful for all that I have. If there is one thing I am not? It is a hypocrite. I am really a lucky woman when I sit back and think. I could be way worse off physically. I know that. Know I am lucky to still be able to scale a Crossfit workout to make my way through it. I guess in a way, that's sort of bad ass right?
Keep thinking Dee.
Alright, I was able to make a wonderful holiday for my family. I actually prayed and thanked God every time I opened my refrigerator and saw how much food was in there. What a blessing that is! To have such abbondanza! It was such a celebration to share all of that with the people I love!
The thoughts continued....
I was doing laundry today and was able to sneak up behind the door as my daughter Erin was coming in the house and scare her, it's still a sport to scare here. Only to have her give me an exasperated "Dani-yell" in her best imitation of my Grandma Tav saying my name. How that makes me laugh! We laughed and got back to folding my clothes that we are able to afford. The clothes that keep us warm, that I can wash in my fancy, schmancy washer and dryer. No beating clothes on a rock here lol!
I heard my daughter Katie belly laughing with her boyfriend at something silly, and hear them laugh and laugh. A sound that I don't think anyone understands how it wraps itself around my heart and warms me from the inside out. Makes me so glad to hear after she has struggled so desperately with depression, such an ugly condition.
I remember the excitement my daughter Heather experienced flying the drone her dad got for Christmas and learning how to make it flip, how happy she was for her best friend Quinn to come over to ring in the New Year with her, or snuggle like a baby joey in the Eno hammock tent thingee that she got from her sister. I smile thinking about her coming up to me and asking for a hug or genuinely wanting me to sit and watch some of our favorite shows together.
I chuckle every time I get a text from Bailey gushing about my Antknee's potty training successes. I break into a huge grin at each text I read from her. Makes my heart positively sing to see how beautifully she is raising my little man. I scold myself for worrying what would happen with Anthony entering this world.
I will be able to cheer my husband on and be his biggest fan at Wodapolooza again this year. How lucky I am to be going to Miami, I am practicing my yelling loud enough so he can hear me already. I know how lucky I am to have him in my life these last 28 years. Lucky that I have been gifted with this man who has worked so hard to provide all he has for my family. We have every thing we need and most of what we want. Who loves me as purely as he does. I am so, so blessed.
Yes, I hear that naggy little voice in my ear whispering, "you have everything you need, except perfect health". No, I don't, but little voice, hear this, I am doing every thing I can in my power to get better. I will live with whatever life throws at me, I will handle it. Know why? Because I put my big girl booty shorts on and realized just how lucky I am.
I have my husband, my girls, my Antknee. I have my extended family if I need them, I have four dogs who are convinced I am the best human they have ever met. I have all of the beauty I have blogged about before. I am truly lucky, this I know. Go to hell little voice....
So I close in saying that I might have been given a bad break, but I've got an awful lot to live for.
- Lou Gehrig
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